HOLP!

Anyone know how to transparent the background of an image? Namely, how to get the white square around my martini glasses to disappear?

I Wish I Was a Johnny Depp Fucker

Anfer's post got me thinking. Well, it got me thinking about something I already thought about, anyway.

I have a lot of nostalgia for the summer of 2003, during which I dated a lot. In April 2003 I was dumped hardcore by Darin when he moved to LA after about 7 months of dating. I was a total wreck for a few months, and spent a lot of time alone. For the time between leaving Robb's dad and Darin (about 7 years) I absolutely couldn't stand to be in my house alone. But after we broke up, for the first time ever, when Robbie was at his dad's, I didn't go out boozing it up and picking up. I loved my Saturdays alone, and often would just turn the phone off, start drinking around 12, and just rattle around my house doing whatever.

In July or so, I started dating again (although, to be fair, I was only interested in making Darin realize he couldn't live without me). He visited in September, and finally got through to me that he was never going to want to be with me again. It was sort of like I got slapped awake, and my dating activities increased even more.

I wasn't sleeping around, but it was the "first date" rush that I was after. I was meeting a lot of people from friendster, and having a lot of what boiled down to blind dates. And it was always so fun, to spend the week or so while you were chatting, building up all sorts of fantasies, then finally planning to meet them. There was nothing better than the actual date night, when I would make a drink, put on music, and just take all the time in the world to get ready. Then I'd meet them, and with a couple notable exceptions (oh you know who you are...) be disappointed and move on.

I met Eli on match.com. My friend Gwen was on, and I was looking at boys for her to write when I saw his profile. He was oh-so-cute, and I paid for a membership just so I could write to him. We wrote for a week, talked on the phone once, then made plans for the next weekend. That was my best getting ready night ever. I was so excited, and I just knew this was going to be it. Turns out it was, but that's not my point.

My point is, I kinda miss dating. Eli says I can go on dates, I just can't sleep with them. I suppose it wouldn't be as fun though, because there would be no thoughts of "oh my gosh, could this be it?". Because I definitely don't want a new boyfriend. I just want to have date nights. Also, when we move in together in May, it might be a little weird when guys pick me up for dinner.

Me, I'm the opposite. I don't care if Eli sleeps with someone (as long as I know beforehand), but I don't want him dating and falling in love with someone else.

Anfer? Face? Any thoughts?

Edit about 6 hours later to pussy out and clarify that I DO NOT want anybody but Shmee. So in case you're reading this, don't hit me again, Daddy.

Don't Believe My Lies

Call me Leonard Cohen.

Do you ever think maybe you were on crack and didn't know it?

My habit every morning is to create my to-do list for the day. I start with a fresh paper, and write everything I need to get done. I look at yesterday's list, and write any leftovers on today's page. I know that means I'm re-writing things a lot, but I prefer it that way because it gives me a nice neat clean sheet every day, and I can file away yesterday's, so that I can tell you what I planned to do and what I did on any given day.

This morning, as I try to transfer my list over, I'm having trouble. One of the unfinished items from yesterday is "fix pictures". I have no idea what this refers to. It's my handwriting, for sure, but I can't even begin to imagine what I was talking about. We don't have any pictures. We're an office, I do office stuff, I type things and file things and mail things to customers. We have some shitty pictures on the walls, but they don't need fixing.

Seriously, fix pictures, what the fuck?

Home Alone Part Cuarenta y Ocho

This weekend, I find myself enjoying a quiet, empty house. Robb is at his dad's until Monday (no school), and Eli is doing camping/male bonding/beer crushing type things. Well, actually, he was GOING to do that, but his friend bailed, and so he just stayed home. Seeing as how that had been the reason he wasn't coming down this weekend, I got kind of pissed and threw a size 6 Bitch Fit. I told him to not come today, either. This was partly out of general pissiness, partly that I didn't want a consolation prize, and partly that I didn't feel like shaving.

Last night was nice. I came home from work, made some dinner, and got comfortable on the couch. I watched some TV, took a bath, and painted my toe and finger nails, all in time to snuggle in to watch Full House and Three's Company. Around 9, I felt a little lame, and considered getting dressed up and going downtown for a drink or two, but once I started mentally reviewing what clothes I had to wear, and what I'd do with my hair, I realized that was way too much, and called that idea a goner.

So this morning I woke up nice and refreshed. I've already watched Blue Crush, and in much the same way that Kirsten Dunst inspires my tummy in Bring it On, Kate Bosworth inspires my ass.



That's the best picture I could find, and I felt I had spent enough time google image searching for "kate bosworth butt". But trust me, she's tight, and some great thighs, too.

I have cleaned my bathroom, and spent about 30 minutes cleaning my face and plucking my eyebrows. Now I'm not sure what to do.

I Can Smell Your Scent

If I were to say to you, "I can smell your cunt", you'd probably know what I was talking about, right? You'd mime throwing some semen on me, and we'd laugh. Or maybe you'd really throw some semen on me, and you'd laugh but I wouldn't.

I love AMC and TCM for playing good old movies. AMC plays more recent "classics", and has commercials, but it's still good. But the main difference is that TCM plays the movies in their original entirety with no commercials, while somehow AMC is considered regular network and is bound by some censoring crap. So last night, when Silence of the Lambs was on AMC, it got quite a workup.

Miggs told her "I can smell your scent", and just yelled at her when she ran past him. When Lecter asked her why they called him Buffalo Bill, she just said "It started out as a bad joke down at the police station", but neglected to inform Hannibal that it was because he skins his humps.

I fell asleep pretty soon after that, because I just KNEW that I was not going to get to see him tucking, and the best line in cinema history, "Fuck me... I'd fuck me" was sure to be cut out.

Abs of Marshmellow

Why can't I have this tummy?



I've started working out again, and boy do I need it. I'm riding Marcy (my exercise bike) for a good hour a night, and just started doing some ab-specifice yoga a couple nights ago. I don't think I'll ever have such nice curves as Kirsten, though. I'm just not built that way. I can get a nice tight flat tummy, but my hips aren't that wide. Eli says I can build buttmuscle which will result in a better curvature there, so I'll try that too, I guess.

All my years of not being careful have come crashing down on me at once. I've never watched what I was eating, I've never taken my makeup off before bed (let alone moisturized), I smoked and almost never drank water. So all the sudden my pores are clogged, and I have crow's feet as well as frown lines, a soft belly and bum. My desire to rejuvinate myself is beginning to border on obsessive. I'm spending close to an hour a night washing, toning, and moisturizing my face and neck, as well as 2 coats of lotion to the rest of the body, including special foot creme and cuticle creme. I'm also forcing water down my throat like I'm planning to wander the desert for 40 days and nights. I haven't been smoking, and the only thought getting me through the cravings is "It will make your skin look bad".

So when will I have Kirsten's tummy? I want some results, and I want them now.

Humpjobs Ahoy!

Visit Chimpotle for a great new contest!

In the Words of

My darling Michael Hutchence, there's just Not Enough Time.

I have so many things I'd like to write about, and I just don't have time to sit down and properly organize my thoughts.

So I'll just bring you some useless drivel instead.

First off, Joe, that IS supposed to be a shoe making my little lists, but you're right, and now all I can see is someone on all fours with striped stockings. I just wanted something to make my blog look a wee bit distinct, and didn't take the time to really look for something interesting. Why don't you buy me something with all your newfound wealth?

Second, for those of you concerned that I have real life friends posting in here, don't worry. It's my brother and sister-in-law, so they have to like me. I don't have any other friends, so that's out of the way. As long as you all stay losers like me and are available for me to chat with at any given point of the day, who needs real life friends, huh?

Third, Eli thinks we need to compost in our backyard, so I guess that nasty little one bathroom problem is out of the way now, isn't it?

My job is also shifting rapidly. John (CEO here in Tucson), Tony C (my boss, in PA), Pat (John's brother, operations guy that I work fairly closely with here) and Tony G (controller here) were just all on a weekly status conference call. It's just down the hall, so I could hear it all. The whole call, every question that John asked, I was the one with the answer, and I felt good that I really have my hand in everything here and that I know everything going on. I did NOT feel good though, to hear the people actually on the call stumbling through the answers. I suppose as a person lower on the totem pole, my job is to keep my higher-ups well informed, so perhaps I have failed in this regard and will work on changing how the information flows around here. But also, I wonder if they even know that I had all those answers? I'm starting to think I'm more valuable here than I knew, but that does me no good if they don't know that.

So my goal for the next 3 weeks is to be a SUPAH STAH and show them, so that when I present them with my proposal to work from home in Phoenix, they will cry and thank me for not leaving them. Any serious tips on how to write a better proposal with heavy sway will be appreciated.

My Silence is Deafening

As I told my friend David the other day, even slacking has become too taxing for me. A million times I've thought "Oh, I should write about that in my blog", and the effort to type in blogger.com just seemed exhausting.

But Kav has threatened me with banishment from Chimpo's list of links, so here I write.

This little bit of typing has sure worn me out, so I'll just give you pictures of my new house. Eli signed on it the other day, he's moving in April 1, and I'll be up with the kid on May 24th, after school is out.










I don't have any pictures of the inside right now, but it's amazing inside. The pictures don't do the backyard justice, either. It's a great house, and I can't wait to move in. It was built in 1936, but has been redone inside so it looks nice. Tons of windows, lots of storage space, perfect layout. I think I'm in loooove.