My Cardboard Ring

Those of you who may watch Sex and the City will know what I'm talking about, but I'll give a quick rundown just in case.

In Season 4 (I believe), Charlotte and Trey were trying to have a baby. They were having a lot of trouble, and taking all sorts of hormones plus getting on every waiting list imaginable for an adoption. They were arguing quite a bit over it and finally in an effort to bring some levity to the situation, Trey brought Charlotte a cardboard cutout of a baby. He tried to explain that it was a joke, to help them lighten up and relax, but she understandably freaked out. She kicked him out, and that was the beginning of their divorce.

Well I have been nagging Eli a bit lately about getting some jooooolry. We're still not getting married, but hey... I want a ring, and we can just be engaged forever. In his attempt to bring levity to our situation, he used his photomanipulation skills to send me this:



(I cut my face out because it was a horrid picture).

Now I'm not nearly as offended as Charlotte was, in fact I think it's pretty funny. It's just that I can't help but see the similarities. The real ring I was wearing is a pearl ring, and I wear it on my middle finger. He moved it and made it a diamond. In an odd turn of events, 2 days after he made that picture, I lost the pearl out of the ring.

Last night we went ahead and had a big argument about Valentine's day. In the end, neither one of us felt like continuing to be upset about it, so we just agreed to disagree and made nice. So I guess we do have our own special Valentine's Day tradition after all: February 14th will be our special day to yell at each other.

Valentine's Day, Oh Poop.

My beloved doesn't do Valentine's day, so no flowers or bling for me. Whatever, jerky.

On a less bitter note, yesterday was a hard day for me. At 2:00 in the afternoon, I decided to see if there was anything to stare at on TV. Would you believe that Dirty Dancing, The Breakfast Club and Can't Buy Me Love were all on, all starting at the same time? That was one of the most difficult choices I've ever made, let me tell you. I own The Breakfast Club, and I've seen Dirty Dancing more than Can't Buy Me Love, so I had to go with the latter. It was filmed right here in Tucson, too. Ok, and Patrick Dempsey got so outrageously hot in recent years that even his old nerdy look does it for me now. Directly after that, I was treated to Sixteen Candles and then Footloose.

What the hell is going on here? All the sudden, it's all the movies that I can't walk away from, all over cable. Then a striking thought occurred to me. Do you remember when you were a kid, and there were all these shitty old movies on that your parents watched, and you hated? Well, it seems that I am officially old enough that it's now my movies on TV on Sunday afternoons.

What does all this mean? Well, it means that I watched a bunch of movies that I've already seen a million times instead of studying.

Robbie's friends Brian and Ivan invited him to go see a movie yesterday, and while I had reservations, I said yes. The movie they were going to is The Boogeyman. I hadn't even heard of it, but I was able to use my deductive reasoning to figure out that it was probably scary. Their mom said it was PG-13, though, and he assured me he could handle it, so I said ok. If I would have looked on IMDB first, I might have stuck to my guns a little harder. We had to leave the hall light on for him to sleep, and he woke me up just about every hour saying he was scared.

I was not amused.

And speaking of not being amused and not getting bling from the Mister, tomorrow I'll tell you about my cardboard baby.

Photographic Evidence

That I was in a wedding. Click for bigger!

Vowing:



The brand spankin' new Mr. and Mrs. Hill:



Gwen, Ian, and me. I spent the evening endlessly amused by his wit which was made even better by a British accent.



Those Hills were dancing machines!



And here's Fluffy, because he's cute:



Shout outs to paintedover.com for free image hosting.

Yeah, MAKE Him Cram it Up His Ass!

The boy has his little friends in our complex that he plays with. Brian and Ivan live directly next door to us. They're 11 and 13, respectively, although Brian towers over all the other kids, including his older brother Ivan. Brian has sent Robb home crying a couple times, but more often than not, he's very protective of Robbie and takes care of him very nicely. Stefan is the other kid in the group. He's 7, and lives down at the end of our section. His parents came here from Bosnia, and they have very thick accents although he does not. Stefan's got a mean streak, which I now attribute to his father. When Stefan gets mad, he doesn't just get pissy, he gets mean. He's pretty tough, for a little guy. He once managed to get Robbie on the ground, and swung his razor scooter at his head. Robb managed to roll away, and I still shudder to think of the damage that could have done.

Now that you have the necessary backup, on to the immensely humorous events that took place this weekend.

Saturday, Robb went over to Stefan's to play, as Brian and Ivan were not home. He came back home pretty shortly thereafter, because they had a fight. Turns out there is some girl visiting over there who's around 11 or 12. She was playing video games while Stefan and Robbie played. After repeatedly asking them to keep it down and no response, she turned and clocked Robb, knocking his head into the (brick) wall. He didn't say anything, he just got up and came home. After I got him calmed down, he decided to go back. When he got there, Stefan began taunting him, calling him a shithead and peepeehead. Where were his parents while he was standing at the front door calling my kid a shithead? Dunno.

So Robb came home and told Eli and I all about it. We were talking to him about how it's no big deal, Stefan's a little shit anyway, so who cares what he says? I'm not sure who said it first, or why, but someone suggested to just tell Stefan to cram it up his ass. We thought that was funny, and I said "you know what, you can tell him that, that's fine with me".

Oops.

Sunday, he went out to play. They were playing outside, all of the boys. Eli and I were sitting at my breakfast nook, which is right under a nice huge window in the front of the house. I looked up in time to see Robbie run by and stop, then Stefan and a girl running up to join. "How nice", I thought. Then they descended on him. Robbie sort of threw them both off in a nice dramatic "RRAAAAAWR" kind of move, and whirled around and punched the girl really hard on the back of her shoulder as she was moving away. I jumped up and ran to the door, and by the time I got out there Brian and Ivan were seperating them. Robb and Brian came in to tell me the story.

Apparently, when Stefan and the girl came out to join all the boys, they immediately started giving Robb shit. He held his tongue for a few moments, then finally lost it and yelled (you guessed it) "SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!". It quickly dissolved into "why don't you make me shove it up my ass", and "why don't you make me make you shove it up your ass", ad infinitum. Eventually the girl got tired of it and hit Robbie, at which point he ran towards our house (he later told me this was so I could witness her hitting him, so that I wouldn't be mad at him). I sort of felt like I should be mad about the incident, but.... I just wasn't. I don't think he did anything wrong. The 2 kids were being shitty, he said what we told him to say, and when they hit him he hit back. Brian and Ivan both confirmed his story, and that's good enough for me.

(Stick with me, I'm almost done).

The boys reported back that Stefan and Bitch had gone back into his house, so Robb decided to go back out to play. In an extremely unbright move, the 3 of them decided to take their dog for a walk... right by Stefan's house. When they walked by, the door flew open, and Stefan's dad yelled at Robb to come here. Robb did, and the guy started yelling at him for hitting a little kid and a girl for no reason. Robb tried to explain, and the guy yelled "There's no excuse for that! Get the fuck out of here!" and slammed the door in his face. As they walked away (Robb in hysterics), the mom yelled out of the window "You had no reason to hit Stefan!"

I was super pissed, and since I had Eli with me, I felt brave enough to go face the dad and tell him he's an asshole and that his darlings were trying to beat the shit out of mine. But I decided it wasn't going to do any good, he wasn't going to listen to me, and if Stefan was going to continue to grow up being a shit and lying about it, oh well, not my problem.

So, Robb is never allowed in that house again, even if (when) he and Stefan make amends. Bosnian jerks.