Speaking as a Lady

Who ain't got a man, you know what really irritates me this time of year? All the jewelry commercials reminding me that I ain't got a man buying me any jewelry this year. I think my hatred for these commercials might be rivaled by all the MEN who do have ladies, though.

You know what's awkward? Hanging out at a bar with your male cousin. I'm a big people watcher, and "spot the first date" is a favorite game of mine. So I can't help but feel that in a corner of the bar, there's someone who as pegged us as a first date. Gross.

You know what's sucky? My hot water heater won't even fill a whole bathtub. So if I'm struck with the fancy for a bath, I have to fill it halfway, wait for the water heater to fill back up, and fill it the rest of the way. And NOTHING is worse than getting in, and finding that the water is not as warm as you think it is. So I wait, and tolerate the lukewarm bath, because I'm in til the bitter end.

You know what's nice? I got up this morning, put on my happyfeet sneakers, walked down to Safeway and got myself some breakfast fixins and walked back home. It was about a mile each way, and cold, but boy did it feel good.

You know what makes me want to write? Reading something by a truly astounding author. Do yourself a favor, and read anything by Daniel Handler.

You know what's depressing? Knowing I have to be fabulous in 2 hours and being completely dissatisfied with the clothes in my closet. Wish me luck.