You'll Never Take Me Alive, Coppers!

This morning during my daily "lie in bed and listen to the minutes tick past thinking about how I'm going to be late to work again today" wakeup, I heard 2 big thuds. Was that the door? Eh, just ignore it, it will go away. Then again. And again. Finally I got up, and looked out the front window to see a police car in front of my house. Maybe I should get that? I opened the door to see two police officers. One was a very young, very handsome black man with a huge smile on his face, the other was an older surly white man who may have been attempting to channel Elliot Stabler (it wasn't working).

"Good morning, miss, sorry to wake you. Do you know anyone by the name of John Doe?"

Here was my big chance. I'm an avid watcher of detective shows, and I relentlessly mock all the suspects who fold under interrogation. "Just stick to your story, you idiot!". Now I do NOT in fact know anyone by the name of John Doe, but still, this was my moment to shine.

"Nooooooooo, I don't?" Fuck. I just sounded so guilty.

"Ok miss, here's a picture, do you know this man?"

I looked carefully. "No?"

"Ok, thank you. Do you live here alone?"

"No, I live here with my son and a friend?" Why are all my answers coming out like questions?

"How long have you lived here?"

"Since August?" Jesus Christ, it's a cold hard fact I moved into this house in August, and I even sound like I'm lying about that.

"Ok miss, thanks for your time, sorry again to wake you."

With a mumbled "thank you" and "sorry", I closed the door.

Well, if I ever wondered if I could cut it as a criminal, I think I just found my answer.