Ouchies

Sometimes you learn hard lessons in unexpected places.

Today, I learned that a woman over a certain age (lets say... 27) should never, ever, look at herself in a magnifying mirror under flourescent lighting.

Vanity is a weird thing. I used to be such a mouse, I thought I was hideous. Finally, at some point in my early twenties I found out this wasn't true, went to the other extreme, and fell in love with myself. I know now that I wasn't as great as I thought, but after a whole life of feeling homely I really just ran with the vanity. I had a few shining years where I felt beautiful and sexy all the time. Of course, it ended too soon and the wrinkles came and the pores clogged and the skin got less firm and even the pounds started showing up in weird places.

So other than avoiding flourescent lighting like the plague, what's a girl to do? Sometimes I think I will end up that sad movie cliché (is it Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane that I'm thinking of? Ooh, or Ellen Burstyn in Requiem for a Dream)... you know the one where an old hag goes crazy, and spends the rest of her life caking on makeup, smearing lipstick all over her mouth, looking into a mirror and seeing herself as the most beautiful girl in the land. To make it really good I guess I should also prattle on to myself about all the gentleman that will be courting me at the ball tonight. Maybe someone will hire a nurse who will sit quietly in the corner to make sure I don't harm myself, and she will be kind enough to chat and agree with me, until it's time to feed me my "vitamins" and put me to bed.

That actually sounds pretty fun. Maybe I'll start tomorrow.